RELATIONSHIP INSIGHTS
1. SAY SORRY – Become very familiar with the word “SORRY. ” Apologies have been very beneficial in our Relationship.
2. ASSUME NOTHING – Assumptions have been an area that has given us challenges. We have found that getting in the habit of saying what we are thinking about doing prior to doing it reduces assumptions. For example: if I am cold and I would like to turn the heat up, I would say, “I am cold, would it be okay to turn the heat up?” As opposed to just turning the heat up.
3. “CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING” TECHNIQUE – Another area that as challenged our relationship is the fact that we would just start blurting out a topic that would be bothering us. We have found that using the following simple steps have enhanced our communication. First we would say the powerful words, “Can I talk to you about something?” (NOTE: This is a question. It’s not, “We need to talk!”) This gives the person a chance to respond yes or no. If no, then discuss a more appropriate time to have a discussion. If yes, then simply state the topic. Next, share your feeluings about the topic. Prior to offering any solutions to the topic, allow the other person an opportunity to share their feelings about the topic.
4. ENJOY THE RELATIONSHIP – This is key to allowing the relationship to be a safe-haven. Both people in the relationship need to find ways to have fun together in the relationship.
5. BE FLEXIBLE – Spontaneity is very important in a relationship as well as being flexible. We have found the best combination is to plan and at the same time to be flexible when our schedules do not go exactly as planned.
6. SET PRIORITIES – We have some scheduled items in our relationship. Not because we would forget about them, but to make sure other activities or invitations do not overwhelm our schedule. Some of these scheduled items are as follows: Cleaning the Closet (a time to discuss any grievances we may have with one another so that we’re not stuffing things inside where they will fester over time), Date Time (times to enjoy the relationship and have fun together – not a time to discuss issues), Relationship Training Sessions (times to learn better relationship skills together through listening to a teaching on CD, watching a DVD, reading a book, going through a workbook, etc.), Daily Prayer, etc.
7. SPEAK POSITIVELY – We have found that it is our propensity to speak negativetly. It may be your propensity also. So what we have learned, or at least what we hope we have learned, is that we would refrain from being critical. Instead, we should encourage one another by pointing out the other person’s positive qualities. When the urge comes to point out a negative aspect, try as much as possible to “let it go.” If you must bring something up, refer to the “CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING” technique mentioned above (#3).
